Recently I've been receiving not so subtle reminders of how finite our lives are, and how much of a difference having a plan can make. I think we can all agree it's impossible to plan for every eventuality, but I also think we can all agree there is at least one exit we are all going to make - to the best of my knowledge nobody has found the secret to immortality in our present state (this is not meant as a religious or philosophical post).
I remember how torn I was, weighing whether to reenlist or not. I retired with over 20 years, but if I'm completely honest with myself it's not because I loved the Navy. The biggest reason I stayed was fear - I wasn't sure what I would do about health insurance for my son - having received the Autism diagnosis in the early 2000's and there not being much information available (that we were aware of). This had negative consequences - I was not someone anyone would want to be around; I felt trapped and took it out on everyone around me.
I think many, if not all, of us can relate to feeling trapped at some point in our lives - be it in a marriage, or a job or some other contract. And because this can be so overwhelming it's easy for us to lose sight of options, convincing ourselves there is absolutely nothing we can do to make our situation better - regardless of what those around us may be proposing.
If you have kids, do you let them go through high school without talking to you about what their plan is after graduation? If the answer is "no", then why are you treating yourself any different? This leads me to having an exit strategy - begin with the end in mind. Sounds trite, perhaps; but it will make a significant difference.
For example, no-one marries with the intent to divorce; but even if you don't divorce the odds are one of you will outlive the other - even if it's 50+ years down the road. Have a discussion of what you want, how you want to be remembered and where you want to be laid to rest - and put it in writing. Yes, this is an Estate plan; but it's not meant to be set in stone - review it at major milestones, or at least every 5 years if you have nothing going on.
Another example I come across is similar to what I experienced in the Navy - people are afraid to leave their jobs (not just the military) because of uncertainty; will they make enough money, what else would they do, etc. In this case, my advice is to build yourself a "freedom fund". Save money into an account with the strict purpose of giving you a buffer. How much is up to you, but I would suggest at least 6 months of income. I would also recommend you make a list of what is non-negotiable. What do you absolutely have to have - could be a minimum salary, specific benefit(s), etc; and also what you are completely unwilling to have in your life - could be too much autonomy, a micro-managing boss, specific working hours or days of the week, etc.
If you take nothing else away from reading this, please take the time to understand what's most important to you. Don't be upset or feel like you're doing something wrong if your internal values don't match your coworkers or friends - these are your values. When you are considering a change, especially a major one, take a moment to consider possible consequences. I'm doing this with my clients all the time, as I'd wager most Advisers are. Take it for what it's meant to be, a glimpse of other possibilities; not finding fault with your ideas.